Dear Bebeh,
You're approximately 32 weeks inside me today. On the dot. Guess what? I still actually haven't really finalize what name to give you yet. Sure, there is one name. But being such a fickle person, sometimes I have my reservations. I hope you can be like your Papa in that department. Once he made up his mind about something, he really sticks to it. To the point of degil pun ade.
He actually okayed with the name I wanted to give you. Until now he didn't make any new suggestion so I guess it's okay and he likes it. That is important :) You're gonna stick with it forever kiddo.
He already decide that you should call him Papa :) Me? Tak sure la dear, sometimes I blurt out mummy or mama but most of the time it kept coming back to Nda, short form of Bonda (mother in classical Malay language), a name your cousin Abang Alwi and Kakak Arya have been calling me all these time.
Bonda. Nak?
I can guess probably the first name you'll be able to say is Papa coz Nda is quite a tongue twister. But it seemed that Abang Alwi n even Kakak Arya can make a 'De' sound to call me, i hope its not too difficult to you.
Lets watch and see how you progress, okay Baby?
Anyway, its about 3am today when I write this. For the first time in the longest time, I feel a bit stronger and even feel that I can sit on this chair in a longer time that I usually could. And since your Papa is nicely making 'maps' on my snoogle pregnancy pillow (complete with surround sound hehe faham tak?), you've been kicking non-stop for the past hour, plus I can't sleep, I feel that I should write down my experience about how you came into this world.
Your Papa and I were married for 2 years before you've arrived. Let me tell you something about our society, we have this annoying culture whereby once you've taken your nikah or marriage vows, not even 1 day, people will start badgering asking, "Ada isi ke?", "Dah pregnant?", "Bile nak ade anak" etc.
Actually there's a lot of annoying society culture that I should write about but probably another post. Today is about me and you.
For the first few months, it was kinda okay. I can take the questions but it sorta hit me hard during my first raya with your Papa when I start to meet relatives from both sides. Every single person I met will ask me that question to the point I started to wonder why in the world is wrong with them, I don't have the power to answer that, its Allah's will whether I got it now or later.
When I decided to eat extra and had my tummy bloated from overeating, they will point out "OMG HEY R U PREGNANT? -.-"
And I tell you, I really love to eat. So much. sniff.
Once I commented on facebook how adorable Kakak Arya's baby pic was, one relative suggested I go have a kid. I told her my usual script of lines that its Allah's will, please pray for me in hoping she would just stop there. Then she continued saying while I'm at it I should try getting twins or triples. I was really annoyed to the point I actually snapped and told her off that its is actually a rude question to ask. Coz to get one is not easy let alone 2 or 3. Some people don't have the privilege of bunting pelamin.
There's another incident whereby I was in a relative's open house. One not so close auntie called me because she wants to introduce me to some people (god knows who until today I don't even recall). But the way she intro-ed me was really innappropriate,
"Ni la Ezani, bini Hafiz. Dah kawin 2 tahun. Anak takde"
(This is Hafiz's wife, Ezani. Married for 2 years. No kids)
And she said it in a super loud voice, everyone in the room stopped talking and stared at whose is that unlucky Ezani T.T .
My mind actually went blank but because Papa wasn't around to save me and I was in an unknown territory, at first I smiled, salam and walked away. Coz I believe I should not make any scene in an unknown territory.
Then within just 2 hours, that same relative called me (I don't understand whats the fuss about actually) and did that same thing to me 5 TIMES! The fifth time I believe I actually rolled my eyes at her (I guess I ran out of my patience) and actually walked away, towards the stairs, go up into our room and balled my eye out. It somewhat hurts so bad I actually cried my eyes out. Just so happen I remembered that day your Mama Long called just in time to wish Hari Raya and passed the phone to Abang Alwi ( who is a chattery baby that time ) . More tears. After that phone call, I called your Papa to get me back home there and then because I feel like I'm a barren women and unwanted there. I was really upset. Your Papa was quite apologetic about that incident but I don't blame him.
One thing about your Papa, since the first day he decided to have me in his life, he never treat me badly. I can say he actually treats me like a princess everyday, baby or no baby, he still loves me. more incidents such as above happened but I don't want to rehash it again. In fact, I even gave him the choice to go get a new life as I cannot stand the pressure not being able to conceive any baby at that time but your Papa, like I said, once he made up his mind, he will stick to it no matter what. Degil. He will say Astagfirullahhalazim, sometimes recited the Al-Quran after each drama that I made. I'm sorry Baby, but I'm quite a diva at times. I admit, I'm not strong. But your Papa actually taught me what marriage is. Not just for companionship, but hardships too.
And I'm glad he's stronger than me. I dated your Papa for 8 years before marrying him and the truth is, I only know him better after marriage. And Alhamdullillah, your Papa is a suami yang mithali :)
Dear Bebeh,
What I'm trying to teach you is that sometimes irrelevant people will hurt you. No matter how many I-AM-STRONG statement that you can come up, the truth is, everyone is actually weak to peer or society pressures. And we have this urges to please them when in fact the person that we actually have to focus on how we and our close loved ones feel.
I hope you will develop a strong sense on principles , character and not be easily swayed by people. Sometimes people just don't realize how much they hurt another person. Coz sometimes, we too may did that same mistake unintentionally to another person. Nobody is perfect.
I actually want to write some more but my back is starting to throb again. I'm sorry Baby, Nda have to lie down now. I will continue more on another post.
Good night, I love you Baby.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
PeekABoo!
*cough* oh my, my last post was on 2011. Amazing, I skipped about a year not blogging. hehe.
Easy, I got busy. Really busy. Being a wife, a career women, moving to our apartment and responsibilities kept me quite busy at all time. Alhamdulillah.
I was in a job which requires me being hush hush and confidential in everything I do. So naturally, I can't post anything about the story of my job. I can only describe it as one heck of an experience, in fact Alhamdulillah, just after 1 year working, I got a double promotion. Nice huhh? It was a good learning experience for me, the hours was long during peak period,the stress was so mengancham at time but it gets the adreneline going. (slept on my desk till 6am the next day? check! nosebleed while doing my work? check! fainted on the job, check!) everything u heard about working in Big 4, yeap definitely true. However, the experience itself is priceless, the work, the comraderie, the clients (yes, i do have awesome clients once i manage to establish a good rapport with em, some even become friends. ) Everyday was a different experience and I'm really thankfull for it.
However, didja notice I typed the above in past tense? Yes correct, you guessed it right, the only reason I would be typing here would mean 1 thing. I'm no longer working.
I'm currenly on a career break. I woke up one morning not able to move my right leg without inflicting a sharp blinding pain. Before that I've been having a major painfull backache that I used to pass it as normal ladypain. But few days before this particular morning, usually come noon, I find myself crying in the ladies in pain and I have to pray sitting down. it gets to the point not even sitting down can save me.
Do you know, it took me almost 3 months just to make this post? Been trying to type, but my back can't seem to allow me to sit in a long position at a longer time.
Went to see my doctor, Dr Haliza from Hospital Sungai Buloh coz I was due for some other checkups as well. She asked me to lie down straight, which I can't. Then she held my right leg, slowly pulled it straight then tried to lift it up ala, 45 degress. I think about 25degress je I yelped in pain, sharp blinding pain no joke weih! And right after she did that, I can't even get up or even walk a step without feeling like some nerve on my back being continuously ripped , it was so bad, I had to be wheeled out on a wheelchair. She concluded that I was experiencing sciatic nerve pain but because that wasn't her specialty, she immediately refereed me to a private ortho specialist as the current hospital was jamm packed with patients and she wanted me to be seen immediately.
So Hubs bought me to Tropicana Medical Center. Did an MRI scan which shouws there's a slight bulge at several position at the lower lumber. However, because of my condition, the doc can't proceed anymore test to make any conclusive deduction as most of it would use radiation. He explained that with my current condition, my ligaments is soften/ weaken as my body is preparing itself for some big changes. There is a possibility that in that process, some nerve was effected as it was being pressed.
Actually while waiting for the MRI result, Hubs suddenly gave an order that that I should resign, 24 hours notice! Why ? When this thing happen....
I am actually and still am am pregnant. :) Alhamdulillah.
We've been trying to conceive for almost 2 years. Before this I was nursing minor aches and normal pregnancy complains (will talk in depth about in in some other post). But because to this sudden backache coupled with our newfound blessin, Hubs told me to rest at home. Coz there's no guarantee I may not suddenly fall (and it was at the early stages of pregnancy and I did experience the whole morning sickness circus fest haha how fun) and sitting sedatary on a desk job doesnt actually make my back better.
What if one day my back gave out on me like that day, hubby not around, while Im pregnant..... I shudder to think about it. Since this is my first pregnancy, and with the scare thats been going around (a couple of good friends misscarriage, Innalillah) we decided to not take any risk.
So here I am, 4 months later, baru nak abis post ni ��. So far Alhamdulillah, Im enjoying the experience, yes even the gut wretching all day sickness.1st trimester was like a roller coaster, 2nd trimester Im getting better in the pain management. Cuma the backache is a bit of a puzzle to handle tho, some days Im okay, somedays, I cant even get up. But never mind, as long as my baby is AIGHT, mommah is cool ��.
Baby just gave me a kick. Hehe hi!
Easy, I got busy. Really busy. Being a wife, a career women, moving to our apartment and responsibilities kept me quite busy at all time. Alhamdulillah.
I was in a job which requires me being hush hush and confidential in everything I do. So naturally, I can't post anything about the story of my job. I can only describe it as one heck of an experience, in fact Alhamdulillah, just after 1 year working, I got a double promotion. Nice huhh? It was a good learning experience for me, the hours was long during peak period,the stress was so mengancham at time but it gets the adreneline going. (slept on my desk till 6am the next day? check! nosebleed while doing my work? check! fainted on the job, check!) everything u heard about working in Big 4, yeap definitely true. However, the experience itself is priceless, the work, the comraderie, the clients (yes, i do have awesome clients once i manage to establish a good rapport with em, some even become friends. ) Everyday was a different experience and I'm really thankfull for it.
However, didja notice I typed the above in past tense? Yes correct, you guessed it right, the only reason I would be typing here would mean 1 thing. I'm no longer working.
I'm currenly on a career break. I woke up one morning not able to move my right leg without inflicting a sharp blinding pain. Before that I've been having a major painfull backache that I used to pass it as normal ladypain. But few days before this particular morning, usually come noon, I find myself crying in the ladies in pain and I have to pray sitting down. it gets to the point not even sitting down can save me.
Do you know, it took me almost 3 months just to make this post? Been trying to type, but my back can't seem to allow me to sit in a long position at a longer time.
Went to see my doctor, Dr Haliza from Hospital Sungai Buloh coz I was due for some other checkups as well. She asked me to lie down straight, which I can't. Then she held my right leg, slowly pulled it straight then tried to lift it up ala, 45 degress. I think about 25degress je I yelped in pain, sharp blinding pain no joke weih! And right after she did that, I can't even get up or even walk a step without feeling like some nerve on my back being continuously ripped , it was so bad, I had to be wheeled out on a wheelchair. She concluded that I was experiencing sciatic nerve pain but because that wasn't her specialty, she immediately refereed me to a private ortho specialist as the current hospital was jamm packed with patients and she wanted me to be seen immediately.
So Hubs bought me to Tropicana Medical Center. Did an MRI scan which shouws there's a slight bulge at several position at the lower lumber. However, because of my condition, the doc can't proceed anymore test to make any conclusive deduction as most of it would use radiation. He explained that with my current condition, my ligaments is soften/ weaken as my body is preparing itself for some big changes. There is a possibility that in that process, some nerve was effected as it was being pressed.
Actually while waiting for the MRI result, Hubs suddenly gave an order that that I should resign, 24 hours notice! Why ? When this thing happen....
I am actually and still am am pregnant. :) Alhamdulillah.
We've been trying to conceive for almost 2 years. Before this I was nursing minor aches and normal pregnancy complains (will talk in depth about in in some other post). But because to this sudden backache coupled with our newfound blessin, Hubs told me to rest at home. Coz there's no guarantee I may not suddenly fall (and it was at the early stages of pregnancy and I did experience the whole morning sickness circus fest haha how fun) and sitting sedatary on a desk job doesnt actually make my back better.
What if one day my back gave out on me like that day, hubby not around, while Im pregnant..... I shudder to think about it. Since this is my first pregnancy, and with the scare thats been going around (a couple of good friends misscarriage, Innalillah) we decided to not take any risk.
So here I am, 4 months later, baru nak abis post ni ��. So far Alhamdulillah, Im enjoying the experience, yes even the gut wretching all day sickness.1st trimester was like a roller coaster, 2nd trimester Im getting better in the pain management. Cuma the backache is a bit of a puzzle to handle tho, some days Im okay, somedays, I cant even get up. But never mind, as long as my baby is AIGHT, mommah is cool ��.
Baby just gave me a kick. Hehe hi!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
On leave but hiatus
So much with the 1 post per week target, haha hello everyone!
I've just submitted my last work-in-progress at the office (shattap, I know today is a Sunday), so now I'm on STUDY LEAVE!
Which means really study leave ye kawan kawan, please no "hey, lets go lepak or watch movie what non-sense like that". This is the real deal.
Okaylah, unless its makan (the normal makan breakfast, lunch, tea or dinner, then I guess it should be okay). But sorry no social outings for me until the end. I need to discipline myself. Otherwise if I fail, I will not you use as one of the reason why I failed :p Heeeeee.
Hmm I can't figure out how to link photos from Facebook. Oh-emm-gee? i lost my virtual world expertise touch ke ni?
I've just submitted my last work-in-progress at the office (shattap, I know today is a Sunday), so now I'm on STUDY LEAVE!
Which means really study leave ye kawan kawan, please no "hey, lets go lepak or watch movie what non-sense like that". This is the real deal.
Okaylah, unless its makan (the normal makan breakfast, lunch, tea or dinner, then I guess it should be okay). But sorry no social outings for me until the end. I need to discipline myself. Otherwise if I fail, I will not you use as one of the reason why I failed :p Heeeeee.
Hmm I can't figure out how to link photos from Facebook. Oh-emm-gee? i lost my virtual world expertise touch ke ni?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Series of unfortunate events
Remember the news about the serial acid splasher saiko dude that has been going around a couple of weeks now? 2 days ago I received a message from a badly shaken close friend of mine saying that there was a dude knocking on her car window demanding her to roll it down. Get this, he was holing a bottle of suspicious looking substance. At first, based on what she told me, the guy was knocking slowly and he has this one look that you kinda want to take pity of him. But when she refuses to roll down her window, he turn aggressive and started to yell obscenities which banging her window. A couple of minutes later he sped off on his motorbike.
This happens at the traffic light intersection at 1 Utama.
Then, on the advise of her mother and cousins, she made a police report. And get this, the police informed that on the same day, another girl has reported the same thing, (and thank god, she didn't roll down her window too) at Kota Damansara!
At this news I freaked out. I mean, PJ is my area!! And its near to my office. You know that feeling of how unsafe it is to even go out for the fear of being a victim? I guess since police are tightening their patrol in KL, the crazy imbecile decided to venture to another area. His victims shows random traits, there are no specific targets. A pregnant lady, and a 1 month old baby was one of the victims. This shows that he is truly, an animal, even a baby wasn't spared.
Mental case I tell you.
And whats more worrying is that, one of my friend's work colleague, was one of the victims. She was not that lucky. She is now blind.
Husband was kinda freaked out when he heard this news. So as precaution, under his orders, I must carry an umbrella when walking out in the open and run when I see or hear any incoming motorbike.
Btw, dear motorcyclists out there, I apologize for flashing the 'OMG face' everytime each of you zoom by. Not less that 4 drivers buat muke terkejut and uncomfortable when they saw me freaked out tibe tibe take backward steps. Minta maaf ye, when I'm paranoid, I'll panic x.x
The funny thing is, of all precautionary steps that I've taken to ensure my safety in hand today, something else happened.
We got hit my a car while on the way home. I mean, my car, not me. Zzzzzz.
The road was slippery due to the heavy rain, thus the car behind us didn't break in time, her tyre slipped and banged us from the back. All I can say is,
ALHAMDULILLAH, I've never been more thankful for kangaroo bars. Otherwise the impact would be more stronger, my car would be in a worse condition that it is.
Tomorrow we'll be sending poor Neko Car to the mechanic. Funny coincidence is that the lady that hit live nearby, in the category of neighbor. Opps, that's going to be awkward.
Me n husband? Alhamdulillah okay, no big harm, only that my backache has gotten worse than ever and am currently suffering mild headache from it. Am having slight discomfort at the back everytime I take a deep breath and my front torso feels a bit sore. Have visited a clinic for checkup just to be safe but as it is, I am thankful, nothing catastrophic had occured.
Guess this shows, no matter how careful you are, accidents can still always happen anytime.
This happens at the traffic light intersection at 1 Utama.
Then, on the advise of her mother and cousins, she made a police report. And get this, the police informed that on the same day, another girl has reported the same thing, (and thank god, she didn't roll down her window too) at Kota Damansara!
At this news I freaked out. I mean, PJ is my area!! And its near to my office. You know that feeling of how unsafe it is to even go out for the fear of being a victim? I guess since police are tightening their patrol in KL, the crazy imbecile decided to venture to another area. His victims shows random traits, there are no specific targets. A pregnant lady, and a 1 month old baby was one of the victims. This shows that he is truly, an animal, even a baby wasn't spared.
Mental case I tell you.
And whats more worrying is that, one of my friend's work colleague, was one of the victims. She was not that lucky. She is now blind.
Husband was kinda freaked out when he heard this news. So as precaution, under his orders, I must carry an umbrella when walking out in the open and run when I see or hear any incoming motorbike.
Btw, dear motorcyclists out there, I apologize for flashing the 'OMG face' everytime each of you zoom by. Not less that 4 drivers buat muke terkejut and uncomfortable when they saw me freaked out tibe tibe take backward steps. Minta maaf ye, when I'm paranoid, I'll panic x.x
The funny thing is, of all precautionary steps that I've taken to ensure my safety in hand today, something else happened.
We got hit my a car while on the way home. I mean, my car, not me. Zzzzzz.
The road was slippery due to the heavy rain, thus the car behind us didn't break in time, her tyre slipped and banged us from the back. All I can say is,
ALHAMDULILLAH, I've never been more thankful for kangaroo bars. Otherwise the impact would be more stronger, my car would be in a worse condition that it is.
Tomorrow we'll be sending poor Neko Car to the mechanic. Funny coincidence is that the lady that hit live nearby, in the category of neighbor. Opps, that's going to be awkward.
Me n husband? Alhamdulillah okay, no big harm, only that my backache has gotten worse than ever and am currently suffering mild headache from it. Am having slight discomfort at the back everytime I take a deep breath and my front torso feels a bit sore. Have visited a clinic for checkup just to be safe but as it is, I am thankful, nothing catastrophic had occured.
Guess this shows, no matter how careful you are, accidents can still always happen anytime.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Its been a while...
Yes I know, I've been extremely slacking in blogging. You know what? I missed it, terribly. But what to do, after the wedding, life started to pickup at the speed 80 times more rapidly than ever until I don't really have time to actually sit down and write peacefully.
Peacefully, as in not having a 6 feet tall dude hovering behind you pressuring you to move aside from the MAC so that he can update his fantasy football thingy.
:p
Welcome to married life.
Its 1.34am and I just woke up coz I snoozed a bit early today (like 8.00pm early) so now I'm up and about. Heee....
This time, I have to juggle between 2 families, 2 types of circle of friends, have extra patience, twice as much packed activities coz now I have to do it double with husband, care and concern about another person besides my self, fight for bathroom rights and time, fight for my pillow and blanket share percentage yada yada yada...
Tiring yes, but in a different level,
its fun. YES ITS FUN! XD
Marriage is fun indeed boys and girls, I hate to admit it openly otherwise husband will get all proud and chuffy (perasantan), but then again, I did type the sentence above kan?
Dammit suddenly I'm craving to sip Muhibbah's tomyam, apekejadah?
Seriously, hungry tummy aside, life during singlehood is totally different from life in marriagehood. The second the nikah falls in place, things will definitely NEVER be the same again. I can't explain it, but trust me, dada terasa lapang dan tenang semacam.
And you get to actually fight with your husband ala fight with siblings without care he'll leave you. (Provided that its a healthy, valid and constructive fight that is) And also, fight all you want but the end of the day, you gotta make up with the 'enemy' coz you're sleeping with him. Which I think it true when they actually say, "Never go to bed angry".
Otherwise, he's hog thy blanket, heeeeeeeeee.
Anyway, quick update in my life, yes am currently working and actually loving it, no buns in the oven....yet, still doing THAT BLARDY FINAL P7 paper (sigh penat la) but this time in part time mode and hungry for tom yam at the moment.
With this I hope I can devote myself at least 1 post a week to track whats going on in my life. One can hope ne?
Peacefully, as in not having a 6 feet tall dude hovering behind you pressuring you to move aside from the MAC so that he can update his fantasy football thingy.
:p
Welcome to married life.
Its 1.34am and I just woke up coz I snoozed a bit early today (like 8.00pm early) so now I'm up and about. Heee....
This time, I have to juggle between 2 families, 2 types of circle of friends, have extra patience, twice as much packed activities coz now I have to do it double with husband, care and concern about another person besides my self, fight for bathroom rights and time, fight for my pillow and blanket share percentage yada yada yada...
Tiring yes, but in a different level,
its fun. YES ITS FUN! XD
Marriage is fun indeed boys and girls, I hate to admit it openly otherwise husband will get all proud and chuffy (perasantan), but then again, I did type the sentence above kan?
Dammit suddenly I'm craving to sip Muhibbah's tomyam, apekejadah?
Seriously, hungry tummy aside, life during singlehood is totally different from life in marriagehood. The second the nikah falls in place, things will definitely NEVER be the same again. I can't explain it, but trust me, dada terasa lapang dan tenang semacam.
And you get to actually fight with your husband ala fight with siblings without care he'll leave you. (Provided that its a healthy, valid and constructive fight that is) And also, fight all you want but the end of the day, you gotta make up with the 'enemy' coz you're sleeping with him. Which I think it true when they actually say, "Never go to bed angry".
Otherwise, he's hog thy blanket, heeeeeeeeee.
Anyway, quick update in my life, yes am currently working and actually loving it, no buns in the oven....yet, still doing THAT BLARDY FINAL P7 paper (sigh penat la) but this time in part time mode and hungry for tom yam at the moment.
With this I hope I can devote myself at least 1 post a week to track whats going on in my life. One can hope ne?
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